New year, new you!
2020, baby – this is it!
This is the year you’re going to maximize your potential. You’re going to work out more, eat less sugar, quit vaping, learn a second language, read 50 books, and get serious about that career change you’ve been pondering.
But while a desire for positive change is admirable, mental health often gets lost in the shuffle. None of the changes I mentioned are bad or unhealthy, but here’s the thing:
You are awesome just as you are.
You don’t need a new you this year. You’re wonderful, and I don’t doubt that you’re doing the best you can. That doesn’t mean you can’t set goals (and I’ve written before about how to do that successfully), but you don’t achieve things by buckling down and being cruel to yourself. You achieve them by practicing self-compassion.
A lot of people think that if they’re kind to themselves, they’ll fail to make positive changes. This is grounded in the idea that people are inherently lazy, unmotivated, and prone to entropy. But I don’t buy that. I think people are inherently curious and primed for exploration and growth. Watch any small child navigate the world, and you’ll see that this is our baseline.
The Paradoxical Theory of Change
So how do you get back to that baseline? You start by embracing who you are right now. It’s the only way to grow – that’s the “paradox”.
A lot of people try to motivate themselves through self-bullying. But if you call yourself a worthless, useless piece of crap, that’s devaluing… and why would you invest in someone or something whose value you don’t believe in?
Instead, try being kind to yourself. If you’re falling short of where you’d like to be, tell yourself, “I’m doing my best.” If you fall short of your goals, say, “I’m human and I’ll try again tomorrow.” And above all else, remind yourself of your own inherent worth.
Because if you believe that you are truly, deeply valuable – even on a bad day – that’s someone worth investing in.