How Therapy is Like a Corn Maze

Recently, I visited a corn maze and enjoyed the process of getting lost on purpose.

If you’ve never been to a corn maze, here’s how it works: A farm sets it up months in advance by planting corn seeds in a maze-like pattern. You start at the entrance, and then wander around for a while.

At the particular corn maze I visited, they hand you a map, and you have to locate the answers to 12 questions. If you’re a particularly gifted wayfinder, you can follow the map with intentionality. If you’re directionally-challenged like I am, you wander around, finding forks in the road, choosing at random, occasionally stumbling upon one of these targets. Then, finally, you find the exit and declare victory.

And it got me thinking – therapy, at its best, is kind of like that.

When I meet with a new client, within the first few sessions, we build a map by collaboratively developing goals together.

But from there, we wander around together. A client shares a story from their week, or something from their more distant past that’s been on their mind, or something they’re concerned about in the future. I typically ask questions to try to gain clarity, or highlight something that jumped out at me. My comments and questions are the forks in the road.

If someone says, “My mom mentioned this weekend that I’ve gained some weight, and since then I’ve been questioning if that’s why I’m still single,” I might respond with:

Can you tell me more about your relationship with your mom?
How is your relationship with your body in general?
Tell me a bit about your dating history.
I imagine that might have felt very shaming.
This reminds me of the conversation you had with your mom a few months ago.
I noticed that your fist clenched when you mentioned your mom. Can you say more about that?

The way I choose how to respond is less of a science, and more of an art. Depending on the client, our history of working together, how they make the statement, what they emphasize, and what jumps out at me, I may say any of the above, or something else entirely.

And it’s not perfect every time. Sometimes we make a wrong turn, or hit a dead end. But often, we strike gold and find one of the targets. A question can bring about things the client hadn’t thought was relevant, but actually has wide implications for the work we’re doing together.

This process can be frustrating for some clients.

I work with a lot of high-achieving, successful clients who identify as perfectionists and simply want answers – people who are very goal-oriented and determined, and don’t have a lot of patience for the process of getting lost on purpose.

I hear you. This can be frustrating. You want to be told what to do so that you can see rapid results. But the fact of the matter is that no one knows you as well as you know yourself. We’re all humans, muddling through and doing the best we can. I have years of training, experience, supervision, and theory under my belt, but at the end of the day, you’re the expert on you.

And your frustration is part of the growth process. (I know, I can hear you groaning from here, but stay with me.) Therapy is a microcosm for what happens in your life more broadly, and life doesn’t ever happen in a linear, predictable way. Sometimes things go exactly as planned, but more often, you have to wander around in corn for a while before it’s clear that you’re on the right track.

If none of that resonates, and you want a “quick fix,” you should know that not everyone practices the way I do. There are approaches to therapy that are more regimented and directive. A therapist holds a map, and a compass, and says “if you make a left here, and a right there, you’ll have the solution to your problem.” Those approaches can be wonderful to help people make very specific behavioral changes, like smoking cessation or anger management.

But if you’re looking to do deeper work, to figure out what’s going on in a way that’s going to rattle the foundation and shift your perspective dramatically, you have to wander in a corn maze for a while. I know you wish you could hop straight to the destination, where you’re more insightful and ready to make major life changes, but like the tagline on my homepage says, “the only way out is through.”

In therapy, and more broadly in life, I am very skeptical of anyone who offers me a straightforward answer to a complicated, nuanced question.

The corn maze wandering isn’t a waste of time. It’s part of the fabric of life. And when you hit upon something of value, it’s so much sweeter for the journey you took to get there.

Reach Out

If you’d like to wander through the corn maze with me to find answers to sticky, complicated questions, I’d love to help. Reach out to schedule a free phone consultation!