You’re sitting in your parked car, drumming your thumbs on the steering wheel anxiously.  It’s been 10 minutes and, try as you might, you can’t will yourself to unbuckle your seat belt and go into the crowded store.  It took several hours and the prospect of dry cereal for dinner to talk yourself into driving to the grocery store in the first place.  So there you are.  But it seems like it could take a Herculean feat to will yourself to get up, choose a cart, and walk into the store.

Some people love grocery shopping, but for many people, it’s the most anxiety-provoking thing in their lives.

I’ve heard variations on this story from at least 20 clients – almost all of whom feel like they’re the only ones who experience it.  The clients I’ve worked with who experience this have resolved or worked around the problem in a creative variety of ways.  Some people order their groceries online.  Others shop at odd hours of the day, such as early morning or late evening.

Following are some of the reasons that people have told me they feel anxious about grocery shopping.

Overwhelm and Crowds

Jean Paul Sartre and Michael Schur tell us that hell is other people.

For a lot of people who experience grocery store anxiety, this is the primary reason why.  Walk into a shop after work or on a Saturday afternoon and you’ll encounter tons of people pushing huge grocery carts around blind corners.  Some of the are on their phones (perhaps looking at shopping lists, but others maybe just being spacey).  Others are doing their absolute best to manage a child’s cereal aisle temper tantrum.  Top that off with bright, fluorescent lights, music, and you have a perfect storm for feeling overloaded and overwhelmed.

For people who struggle with sensory overload, social anxiety, introversion, or a strong aversion to crowds, this scene can be too much to handle.  It breeds a feeling of claustrophobia, and it makes some folks just want to run and hide in a dark room.  It’s a lot of unpredictable social interaction with strangers, and that can be taxing for a lot of people.

Some people I’ve spoken to about this have expressed that a specific grocery store makes them feel more anxious – the aisles are too small, the parking lot is a danger zone, etc.  And sure, those folks can opt to go to a different store, but that may add a further commute onto something that already feels emotionally exhausting.

Maybe dry cereal for dinner doesn’t sound so bad after all?

Decision Paralysis

There’s an episode of The Simpsons where Mr. Burns, wanting to help Smithers with his grocery shopping, finds himself torn between two seemingly identical products.  Disoriented and overwhelmed, he stands in the condiments aisle and says, “Ket-chup?  Cat-sup?” until a store associate comes to his aide to help him solve his “ketchup problem”.

Grocery stores are such a perfect petri dish for all of our fears about “adulting” successfully.  In addition to being concerned about buying the right brand, it can also be hard to know if you’re collecting foods that will combine to make something resembling a well-balanced meal.  I’ve certainly gone shopping, filled my cart, and upon arriving home, thought to myself, “I have nothing to eat for dinner tonight.”  Meal planning and list-making can help, but they take a lot of time and effort.

And it’s easy to spiral from there into full blown imposter syndrome: “I can’t even feed myself successfully!  How am I supposed to get a promotion/ balance work with a social life/ take care of a child???”

Broader Food Issues

Over the last year, I’ve made pretty wonderful strides in repairing my relationship with food and my body.  This is mostly the result of an amazing book called Body Positive Power by Megan Jayne Crabbe, and that journey is probably fodder for another blog article (or seven) in its own right.

But prior to that revolution, I remember the constant mental and emotional battle that took place every time I would sit down at a restaurant and open the menu.  Within moments, I would immediately hone in on two items on the menu: the one that sounded the most delicious, and the one I felt I “should” eat.  Back and forth, I would waffle (mmm, waffle…) until the server came to take my order.  And then I would ask the most ridiculous question: “Which would you recommend: the double cheeseburger with a side of steak fries, or the green salad with olive oil and vinegar?”

…Which one do you think they would recommend?

So I would order the cheeseburger, and because I would attribute morality to food, I would feel like a Bad Person who had Failed Horribly.

For a lot of people who struggle with body image, food issues, and “Making Good Choices”, the grocery store is the equivalent of what I used to experience in restaurants – but on a much larger scale.  It’s not just, “who do I want to be for this meal?” but “who do I want to be for the next week or two?”  It’s not, “am I eating a burger for this one meal?” but “am I perimeter shopper, or a cookie aisle shopper?”

Beyond that, for anyone, but especially for people of size, there’s a fear of judgment.  If you are already someone who walks through the world feeling afraid that you are Too Big or Too Much, the contents of your grocery cart can feel like they reinforce that notion to the wider world around you.

In reality, of course, most people are caught up in their own “stuff”.  I have to imagine that most of the strangers I encounter in the grocery store are, like me, thinking, “Will I actually snack on 8 Persian cucumbers before they go bad, or is that just aspirational?”  But the perceived judgment of others can be enough to make you not want to go in the store.

How to Manage Grocery Store Anxiety

Like many things, anxiety about grocery shopping is usually anxiety about something deeper.  This can be one of the things I mentioned in this article, or something else entirely.  Regardless, a good therapist can give you coping tools to manage your anxiety and help you to work through some of these barriers.

In the interim, there are several things you can try:

  • If your concerns have to do with crowds, go to the store early in the morning or late at night.
  • If you’re someone for whom grocery shopping takes a lot of emotional energy, don’t make yourself go on a day when you’re already exhausted. Order a pizza if you have to.
  • While you’re learning strategies to manage your anxiety, order your groceries online for awhile.
  • Go shopping with a trusted friend or family member, who knows about your anxiety and can serve as your support system.