It’s September 2020, and we’ve been quarantining, social distancing, pandemic-ing, and safer-at-home-ing for 6 months.  At this point, most of us have figured out how to make this thing work.  We’ve learned how to work from home, get groceries, and keep some semblance of a routine.  We’ve managed how to socialize safely, see our therapists online, and how to (mostly) keep ourselves from getting Cabin Fever.

But we’ve hit a bit of a wall.  For those of us fortunate enough to have our health and economic stability, the first several months felt, on the good days, a bit like a game or an adventure.  “How can I survive in adverse conditions?”  But now that we’ve figured out how to survive and it’s been a few months, that newness has worn off.

But the thing that’s still missing is joy.  People are turning calendar pages, and making the most of hard stuff.  But even in the most trying times, joy still matters.

If you’ve lost the capacity for joy, don’t beat yourself up.  This year, the name of the game is Survival.  It doesn’t matter what your New Year’s Resolutions were in January – that was a lifetime ago.  If you get to January 2021 alive and healthy, with your family and friends alive and healthy, and your livelihood somewhat intact, you’ve won the year.

But if you want more, joy is the place to focus your attention.  It takes more work than it used to – both logistically and emotionally – since we’re all at capacity emotionally.  But it’s attainable.

Here’s how.

Action comes before motivation

For most of the people I’ve spoken with about this, the biggest barrier to joy is not knowing how to find it, but finding the inertia to pursue these avenues.  For months, we’ve been in survival mode, and for many conscientious people that’s meant either:

  1. Sheltering in place and not leaving the house very much, or
  2. Going to an essential job, and then heading straight home.

It is possible to find joy within the walls of your home, but because part of joy is novelty, that has gotten increasingly difficult for a lot of people.  And if you’re stuck in the habit of staying home, the idea of doing something novel and leaving the house can feel anywhere from difficult to anxiety-provoking.

So if you feel stuck or overwhelmed, Nike’s catch phrase may hold the answer: “Just do it.”  There are a lot of COVID-safe ways to pursue things that can bring you joy, or at least combat a sense of depression, malaise, or stuckness.

Therapists call this “behavioral activation”.  It means that rather than focusing on thoughts or feelings, you focus on actions and behaviors.  Identify things that have the potential to improve your mood, and ignore the naysaying voice in your head that says “it won’t help, nothing helps, everything’s stupid”.  (It’s lying to you, as depression and burnout are wont to do.)

Make a list of things that might bring you joy

With this year’s coronavirus, everyone is drawing lines differently about what feels safe to them.  In general, for most people I know, this involves some combination of wearing masks, keeping physical distance, congregating outdoors rather than indoors, and not attending large gatherings.  At this point, you probably have a pretty good idea of where your lines are.

Bearing those lines in mind, choose activities that meet your safety criteria, and go seek out joy.  Here are some ideas to get you started:

Outdoor places to seek joy

Here are some places in Los Angeles where you can go, either by yourself or for a social distancing visit with friends, to take in the outdoors:

COVID-safe creative outlets:

Creativity is one of those things where once you get the ball rolling, inspiration strikes and joy follows.  Here are a few suggestions:

  • Start a blog
  • Take up a craft
  • Write a novel
  • Write a song
  • Make YouTube videos
  • Learn ceramics outdoors at Pottery in the Park
  • Learn an instrument (a lot of instructors are offering Zoom lessons)

Be entertained:

Once you’ve burned through Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, and all of your other streaming services, you can seek out more interactive or novel entertainment.  Here are a few ideas:

Move your body:

As always, I want to disclaim that this is NOT about “shedding the quarantine 15”.  (This is a gross, body-shaming idea, and if your body is larger than it was, it’s probably because you’re feeling stressed.  The last thing you need is to take on MORE stress about your body.)  It’s about finding a way to move your body that you love, so that you can boost endorphins and feel healthier and more upbeat.  Here are some ideas:

  • Find an outdoor fitness class
  • Do online yoga videos.  (I recommend Yoga with Adriene.)
  • Rent a kayak or stand up paddle board
  • Take surfing lessons
  • Take a horseback trail ride (being 6 feet off the ground means you’re social distancing automatically!)
  • Rent a bicycle in Venice Beach
  • Rent a tennis court, and hit some balls, even if you’re not a competitive player
  • Play golf.  If you’re a newbie, there’s a par 3, 9-hole course in Studio City

Things you can do from home:

Depending on how demanding your life is right now, between work, parenting, and other responsibilities – or if it’s been a while since you’ve ventured outside your comfort zone – the things on the aforementioned list may feel overwhelming.  Here are some things you can do in short periods of time, without leaving your home.

  • Choose an album you were obsessed with 10-20 years ago, and sing along to the whole thing.
  • Use a meditation app for 10 minutes a day.
  • Have a “game night” with your partner, roommates, pod buddies, or via Zoom.
  • Marie Kondo your home, or the opposite: splurge on an item that brings you joy.
  • Develop a daily gratitude practice

Recognize that joy may come with a sense of foreboding

As you’re reading the above lists and thinking about how to move forward, you may hear a little voice in your head trying to dissuade you.  It may be saying things like:

  • What if it isn’t fun after all?
  • What if I feel worse?
  • What if I try something new and I fail?
  • What if I’ve lost my ability to enjoy things?

And, if you do try something and get a snippet of joy, you may hear another voice:

But what if something terrible happens?

Out of all of the emotions we experience in the course of our lives, joy is far and away the most vulnerable.  When we experience it deeply, our minds often sweep in and rehearse tragedy.  Brene Brown calls this “Foreboding Joy”.

The antidote is gratitude.  While you’re having a joyful experience, when you hear that voice sweep into your head, think to yourself: “I’m so glad I went kayaking today.  I’m grateful for the fresh air on my face.  I’m grateful for the taste of sea water in my face.  I’m grateful my health allows me to do this activity.”

If you’d like more suggestions:

Visit these blog articles that I wrote previously about how to practice self-care:

50 Coronavirus Self-Care Tips

100 Strategies to Help You Practice Self-Care

And please feel free to reach out if you could use some support in this journey back to joy.