I am a feminist because I believe in women, of course, but I am also a feminist because I believe in men.
I believe that women have the intelligence, the ambition, the guts to be doctors and lawyers, CEOs and world leaders. I also believe that men have the compassion, the nurturance, the patience to be nurses and teachers and parents.
I believe that women have the ability to say no when they mean no, and I dream of a world where that can be taken at face value, without anyone questioning their sincerity. I also believe that men can hear no and respect no, and find the strength to sit with the discomfort of rejection because they respect its source.
I believe that women are more than their physical appearance. I believe that men are more than their base animal instincts.
I believe that it’s damaging when little girls are told that they’re not allowed to play with trucks or participate in sports or enjoy science because those things are “for boys”. I believe that it’s damaging when little boys are told that they’re not allowed to play with dolls or learn to dance or love to read novels with female protagonists because those things are “for girls”.
From my mother, I learned about listening with an open heart, being nurturing to others, and that what lies at the heart of connection is compassion. But I also learned about approaching my career with an entrepreneurial mindset, about never giving up, about balancing work and home. I don’t know who I’d be without my mother. Her role as my parent was instrumental to who I am today.
From my father, I learned about working hard to achieve a goal, asserting myself in a way that I can be heard, and approaching a situation from a place of logic. But I also learned that relationships are about thoughtfulness, that vulnerability is hard but important. I don’t know who I’d be without my father. His role as my parent was instrumental to who I am today.
I believe that for better or for worse, the words spoken and the actions taken by mothers have an enormous impact on how children perceive themselves as adults. I believe that for better or for worse, the words spoken and the actions taken by fathers have an enormous impact on how children perceive themselves as adults.
I believe that when women feel sadness, it’s not about being crazy and it’s not about being overreactive; it’s about being human and having the courage to let themselves feel. I believe that when men feel sadness, it’s okay to cry because emotion is a human thing, not a female thing, and it’s strength, not weakness, that allows them to show that vulnerability.
I believe that when women feel anger, they have the capacity to express it assertively instead of shoving it down into a part of themselves where it will fester and eventually get so big that it becomes them. I believe that when men feel anger, they can take a deep breath and assert it in a way that is mindful of the rights and feelings of the people around them.
When I say that feminism is one of the schools of thought that informs my approach to therapy, a lot of people assume that I mean I only work with women, but it’s not true. A huge portion of the work I do is with men, helping them learn how to honor their emotional truth and how to push past a “boys will be boys” “man up” mentality so that they can coexist respectfully with other people – women, other men, and everyone else on the gender spectrum.
I do not believe that men are buffoons, slaves to their animal instincts. I do not believe that they are unable to control impulses driven by anger and passion. I do not believe that they are defined exclusively by the number on their paychecks. I do not believe these things any more than I believe that women are weak, incapable second-class citizens. And giving individual people of every gender the benefit of the doubt is as much a part of being a feminist as wanting equal pay for equal work.
Feminism is not a women’s issue. It’s an everyone issue. It’s about embracing the full spectrum of our intellectual and emotional abilities and creating a space for the most authentic version of ourselves, regardless of our gender.